Your Daily Dose of Sentimental Randomness

All Things Fade in Time…

It’s been a few days or probably a week since I’ve been constantly bugged by this predictable habit of mine.

No, it’s neither something really explicit such as the bare skin that we see nor is it something too elusive that it will take a certain amount of time to discover. It’s more like a way of life if you will, it is there at plain sight, but people overlook it because mainly, we don’t do detailed observations of another person’s way of life.

I’ve felt a nostalgic feeling with each passing day, nostalgic not of the life I had back then (it is a factor, but not the central piece), but rather nostalgic of the people I have had contact with in the past years.

I could fill up a whole paragraph of the people I have once encountered and interacted with intimately. I’ve told myself time and time again that I would somehow try to get those good times back.

I have faded from their lives, just as I have faded from most of the people I care for. I may not speak of it explicitly but I do miss them, I do long for the time when we all would sit down again and chat like the good old times, and I do wish that I had not allowed myself to fade.

However, all good things must come to an end, and I only have memories to tell myself that all of that was real.

Bleak as I think it is, I still hope for the day when I get to relive those moments again. I do not seek fortune, fame nor worldly pleasure Ok, that’s hypocrisy, I do seek those, but the thing I seek most is companionship, and I won’t stop trying until I achieve it.

This is a Thank You Post…

Considering it’s like 1:15 AM already here, I got lazy coming up with a title so I’ve decided to just be straightforward with it. ———> Why did I even mention that? Oh well…

I’ve had a rough week so far as of now and of course, you could throw in all the shituations life has been throwing at me. And I just really thought that I would want to just put up a thank you post for that special woman that makes my day.

To clear things up, I am not with her nor does she have an idea that I like her (though she might, considering all the clues I leave). But every time I’m stuck in a rainy day, all I do is think about her and I just feel kinda better (don’t we all?).

So yea, cutting to the important part. DS, if ever I do let you read this in the future or you somehow found this (I think you don’t know I have tumblr), I just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING THERE PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY. I know I haven’t really gotten to know you at this point and vice versa but yeah, I really want to express my thanks. So yea… I’m so sleepy and I dunno what I’m typing anymore so good night or morning or whatever… Zzzzzzz

Unafraid…

I am a coward.

Yes, you hear me, I am a COWARD!!!

[Duwag ako sapagkat patago ako magmahal, umibig at magpahayag ng aking damdamin.]

Still, who am I (who is) to judge myself for that?

I am a person.

I have feelings.

And it pains the heart so much

With each unspoken word of passion.

Every single expression when you smile,

Every single note you play,

Every single second I am with you,

I cherish…

I love.

I am a coward

And I am not afraid to admit it…

What is Pure Love?

Its been almost a month since I broke up and ever since then, I’ve taken a fancy on one of my dear friends (please, if you are thinking I’m a douche-bag for moving on so fast, just read the rest before you judge). I wouldn’t say it is the same feeling as I’ve had of love, but I do know that I have a sort of crush on her.

Anyways, this post isn’t about my plans or what not (maybe a lil bit but that’s not the main idea). The main point why I stated that portion of my life is because I’ve come to an epiphany. This sounds really obvious and you might want to call me stupid for not realizing it sooner but hey, knowing is different from experiencing.

What I realized is that having a crush on someone is actually the purest type of love to another person (at least, in my opinion). I mean, think about it, when you are in that stage, you tend to appreciate every single thing he/she does for you. You tend to cherish those few minutes you are with them. But in the case of long-time relationships, everything kinda becomes old if you don’t sustain something new every single time. Sure, I want to be the idealistic person that says: “You don’t need something new as long as you have the person you love with you.” And yes, I used to think that way, but experience taught me otherwise.

Crush as in admiration, with no hint of malice, that for me, is the purest. It produces the emotions you feel in a relationship ten-fold. The happiness you feel when that significant other notices you, the sadness you feel when you can’t be together with that person, the jealousy you feel when that person is with another - all of these are increased and can even reach the peak of the emotions you feel. The only thing it most likely will not amplify is lust (its just my theory, I could be wrong). It is pure in the sense that everything is in its simplest state. It’s just there, uncontaminated, because it is just there.

Of course, never let yourself be engulfed into the sad reality that you can only admire that person from afar. After all, if you want to go try your luck, then no one is stopping you. All that I’m saying that you do the thing that makes you more happy.

And now, to go back to my own personal life. We rarely talk, we rarely meet because she is only a high school student while I am a college dude. We only meet and talk whenever I got the chance seeing her online (which isn’t frequent) and setting a sort-of-date with her. And even when we meet, all we do is just jam with our guitars and never have much intimate talks. But despite of all that, just seeing her brightens up my day. Some may say that this is a stupid kind of liking a person, but yea, we are entitled to our own likes and dislikes anyway.

At the end of the day, I wouldn’t really say I want to take things into a better level. I’d rather stay in this stage where I have to wait and every single meeting of ours would be rare. I don’t know if it’s because I’m contented or what not but I think that I’m just afraid of risking myself into something that might screw my life with her up. So yea, I’d like to enjoy this bittersweet taste of pure love for now…

It Was Only Just a Dream…

Whew, after a long break from posting anything here, I finally am compelled and kinda in the need to vent out some stuff here in my own corner of the internet (more on the need than feeling compelled).

And yea, as I’ve never really pointed out, I kinda got a thing with this girl and things went out great, MU and all the cheesy stuff like that. She’s actually the first girl ever to return any sort of feelings I’ve ever had in all my past romantic endeavors (too much failure… -_-). It’s already like one and a half month since we’ve been together (not together-together, just together) and yea, I don’t really know why I haven’t posted something like that a month ago but yea, I guess I only put stuff here when there’s some emo shit that I gotta get off my chest.

So yea, what can possibly go wrong with that?

“You’re doing great man, finally got yourself a girl.”

Yea sure, but today was kinda different, since well, to begin with, I’ve always been telling her about my fetishes on latinas or spanish-looking women and she kinda wasn’t really all that cool with it. And yea, after telling her once that I kinda dreamed of some girl who I don’t know kissing me, she kinda got depressed about it. And today was like, she got really down and/or angry at me after I told her that I kinda had a dream of another unknown girl kissing me, and yea, kinda felt something unsavory inside me.

Now, I know I’m the one at fault, but in my opinion, I prefer being honest about these things to her rather than just cooping them up inside. And the emotions I feel right now aren’t that of sadness or of anything of the sort. It’s actually more of like a feeling of uncertainty.

Uncertain in a sense that I kinda reflected on the past where I was still a singleton (technically, I’m still single but you get the picture) being free and all. I never really had to worry much about these things cause in the end, I’m free. The sea is wider for me to fish and I can just shout out what’s on my mind without worrying that a significant other will get angry or depressed.

So yea, what the hell am I saying? Bottom line - due to me being too honest about the normal things of being a dude, she got depressed and is now kinda mad at me, which led me to reflect and reminisce the glory days of being turned down by every single woman I’ve had an interest on AND made me realize that being with someone is really hard (I used to think I can handle it as long as someone gave me the chance but turned out way more complicated than I thought would be…).

So yea, I dunno what’s gonna happen, coz technically, she might be reading this post right now and might figure that I’m a really horrible person to be with and wanna just break up with me (is break up even the right term if it’s just MU?). And well, in my very honest opinion, now that I’ve thought of it, I wouldn’t mind either way. Being single or being with someone, I can live with any. Each has its perks and downsides and yea, you get it anyways.

P.S. To some friends out there who know this story of my boring life, I humbly apologize for this incident but yea, this is just really how I work and think, so yea, if you hate me for it then uh… sorry for being me?

P.P.S. To those who have to deal with reading this entire thingy of nothing but topics unrelated to your life (maybe you found a relation but yea, I dunno), thank you for taking the time and the patience to read this. Believe it or not, even if I’ll never get to know, I really do appreciate people like you who went so far as to reading up to this point (if you read only the bottom part, then… thanks as well?), so yea, thank you very much and hope you still continue to check the not-so-daily Daily Dose of Sentimental Randomness. Stay cool and cherish the person you are hugging right now (mental hugging counts). Peace out!

Annoyingly Fun and Funnily Annoying…

So basically……… today was an interesting day. I don’t really want to drag things out long with my usual introductory remarks or what not so I’ll just cut to the chase.

This will probably be the day that I will remember forever because this is the day where I got coerced into admitting to a girl that I liked her.

It’s funnily annoying because I really didn’t expect it but it was at the same time funny in an ironical way. Like what I said a while ago: “Sure it was a bit annoying but it was fun and interesting at the same time. It’s exactly how she got to steal my heart in the first place…”

But yea, I really liked how things turned out to be like this today. Despite of what many “experienced” people may say out there that this is wrong or what not, I would like to say that I have no regrets for my actions. I just hope that she isn’t disturbed by this sudden intrusion in her life, but I’m keeping my fingers cross.

New Life New Stuff…

Soooooooooooo, after a series of emo shitness. I am back again for another dose of them sentimental randomness.

So basically, I’ve been living a new and (I hope better) life. It’s been going on for a few weeks or I think a month? Can’t remember but basically, with me turning one year older today, I’ve contemplated the stuff that I’ve gone through lately.

And yeah, I can conclude that despite the many unfun moments, I guess I’d had many memorable ones. I had awesome friends along the way and of course, I got to meet even more of them now. So for any one of my awesome friends who are reading this as of now, I really really would like to say thank you very much for the many fun times we had together and should you guys ever feel neglected, just tell me and I’ll definitely make it up to you guys.

Anyways, and I guess along the lines of that, I am not ashamed to say that I have a new romance burning inside of me. Now I’m still on the I’m-trying-to-get-you-notice part, but I would have to say that I’m kinda optimistic towards it. Even though I know that I might fail and crash and burn (and boohoo life), I still want to give it a shot (coz mah hormones want meh to) and yeah, it’s because I want to as well.

I guess you’ll be seeing #hopeless romance tagged posts after this, but yea, I guess that’s life. So yea, stay awesome dudes and dudettes!! :)

The Choice of Solitude…

Solitude is not only merely a state of personal status, but also a choice. Then again, isn’t everything in this world a choice. Life itself is a choice.

Anyways, nothing again as usual. Just thinking out loud in this little corner of the web. Which is again, a choice. It’s been the first day of another new beginning and as of far, the choice was solitude. Boredom was my only companion instead of my supposed people who I should hang around with.

I don’t really know, but to be honest, I’ve found no more thrill in them as I had back in time. Perhaps it’s because of my lack of interest in them as of late. I know that I will be choosing a one-way trip to sadness if I continue to trudge along this path but… I just choose not to do anything about it.

Despite all of the false faces I show to the people around me, I am quite sure that I am weeping internally. Then again, it is another choice associated with the first choice.

I don’t know what future awaits me, I just hope that I’ll be able to pass through this… This is my choice of solitude…

Stirrings…

So recently I’ve figured that I’ve had… stirrings. Not all the way up to feelings, but just… stirrings (pardon the use, Captain Jack Sparrow hehehe…)

Anyhow, enough of the Johnny Depp’s awesome movie lines and back to the cruel reality. Soooooooooooo, I kinda had had yea… stirrings. Pardon me if I can’t find a better word but I’m not ready and sure if I wanna call it feelings yet.

It’s just that I figured that after a long hiatus of say, a few months, my hormones decide to mess up my mind again like the good old times where I practically get busted by every woman I’ve ever liked (sounds fun right? T_T). But yea, it’s still in the stage where I can do something about it, so it’s either:
(1) I go for it and hope to succeed (though I got a feeling that I’ll fail)
(2) Stop my fantasies and just stick to my wet dreams (okay… maybe not the wet dreams, but you get the picture)
or (3) Just do nothing and see how this shit turns out to be

But anyways, despite the more feasible choice of (3), I’d very much like to go for (1) since well, I kinda figured that I should do something about my failed loved life. It’s been 16.99something (yea, apparently I’m a nerd and turning 17 soon) without the experience of the full flame of romance and yeah…

I know that I may sound like I’m rushing but to be honest, I don’t really mind either way. After all, if I took all those past failures and was still able to wait that long, I don’t see why I can’t wait a bit longer, right?

So yeah… that concludes my sentimental randomness today… please just excuse me if I’ve mentioned anything weird/stupid/whatever above cause I’m a little bit out of myself right now.

Psychlone signing off and wishing everybody an awesome day/afternoon/night! Take care you awesome dudes and dudettes!